A Month From Yesterday

On November 29th my mom will have a birthday!
I got her a VERY special birthday gift I really hope she likes.
Well, I know she will because it is a.................................
..............

 

Did you really think I was going to say on here???? My mother reads this blog and I will not say what her gift is.
All I will say is : I know something you dont know *sticks tongue out*

Recipes

I spend a lot of time in the kitchen...when I am feeling well so I have added a recipe blog (link above in the menu bar). I am still working on it so please forgive the messiness of it and I am still adding recipes as I just started it today. But please, be my guest to follow it and pass it along!

Day 12- A letter to the person I hate the most

Hate is a very strong word but here is the letter I wrote to my *cough* dad a while back
I feel I have posted here on the blog but I can't find it.
Oh well!

I have been working on myself a lot lately and Andy keeps telling me that I need to move on from the past and live in the today for the future. Also, that he sees now as well as previous times that I have blamed myself for a lot of stuff that I never did.
I tell him that somethings I believe I did do and I deserve the blame for them. I also tell him it is hard to move on from the past when at lesat 3/4 of it I don't remember. He tells me that it is God's way of telling me to move on but I dont believe that crap. He may also think I may have had something traumatic happen in my life that makes me forget all the stuff in the past but if that is the case then why the hell can I only remember the bad stuff or SOME of the bad stuff in my past and nothing good???
I am trying to move on from the past. I am trying to not be such a negative person. I just need help or closure from things and I will admit that.
This email may hurt your feelings or it may make you proud for standing up for myself. Either way, I have to get all this off my chest.
I want to know what you want. What do you want out of this relationship between you and I? What do I want? I want to have that father/daughter relationship that we had before I got married while you were locked up. i don't believe in the deepest part of my heart that it may never come to that but you never know. I want respect and I know I can ask for that because I have shown you plenty of respect. As an adult living in the here and now, Im willing to step up and take care of my end of this relationship, so i just ask the same thing in return.
I told Andy I may need closure from you or from our past issues. Yes, I believe I have anger and resentment towards you along with our unresolved issues. I AM, though, angry at you for one unresolved issue that NEEDS resolving. I can no longer sit and blame myself for this as it was not and will NEVER be my fault. My wedding was an "event" between Andy, myself and God. NOT a "family event" as you quoted it to be. I had my reasons for certain people NOT to be there and it was not fair nor respectful of you to do what you did to me. It was always my dream of my dad walking me down the aisle when I got married....not for it to turn to the nightmare of hell with my dad giving me an ultimatum. Seriously? I think you should 1) apologize for what you did as well as 2) apologize to me for blaming me for it all when in reality it was my day (our day...Andy's and mine) and you showed no respect at all.
I am also angry at the fact you tell me you dont ever time to email me or call me or whatever else because you are too busy taking care of grandma when in reality we ALL know the truth.....but you have time to sit in front of your computer and play games on Facebook or wherever else. That doesn't seem fair does it????
In other ways I resent you as a father. Even though I was prematurely blamed for others actions and spanked by him, he is a better father than you have been in the last 6 yrs I have known you as my dad.
I send you photos of myself, of my child, and of my family and I dont get much of a response....at least not a "fatherly" response. I get more of a response from my ill grandmother (no not your mother) than I get from you. That is sad. But you know what, I just tell myself "Hey, I am OK! I am a loving, caring and giving person. I think myself as intelligent, and somewhat attractive. I am a good mother and at times a good wife as well as a wonderful daughter that any parent would be proud to call their own."
Forgiveness is a choice. I can sit here and tell myself that I am going to exercise a conscious choice to forgive you because I refuse to be locked in a bondage of hatred and resentment with you for the rest of my life...BUT....I can't bring myself to do that. I can bring myself to forgive you for the "crimes" you committed being as your did your time. But I cannot bring myself to forgive you for many things including being an a$$hole of a father and not showing any respect towards your daughter...your "baby girl", for lying to me on many accounts, and many more. I just can't do it.
I always refer back to the saying "It takes any guy to be a dad but it takes a REAL man to be a father"
I have taken the time and effort to put all this in writing and expect you do to the same. Not asking a lot from you.

I never did hear back from him after that so that was my closure right there!

I Sound Like My Mother-Literally

The following is a night time conversation between the 4 yr old and I:

(Typically anywhere between 10-11pm)

Me: C'mon lil man, it is time for night night.

Lil Man: It's my night night time?

Me: Yes, sir it is. Make sure you give everyone hugs and kisses.

Lil Man: My give Kye Kye (how he pronounces Crichton...our dog) muah (kissing sound) and mmmmm (hug sound).

Me: No Crichton doesnt like hugs and kisses from you. Sorry.

Lil Man: My give Squr Squr (how he pronounces Squirt...our pup) muah and mmm.

Me: Okay, go give Squirt hugs and kisses. Gentle though.

Lil man: Mo? (how he pronounces Moya...black lab)

Me: Outside (where she usually is)

We walk to his room and he gets in bed and then the following happens.

Lil Man: Oh, my fashligh (flashlight).

Me: Where is it?

Lil Man: I dont know.

Me: Is it upstairs? Under your pillow? In the living room? Go find it.

And he wonders up the stairs "mommy , my can't find it" and then he runs downstairs and in the living room "mommy, my no where it is" Ugh, then it is my turn and I find it right under his nose either on the couch, the coffee table or on the bar stool in the kitchen. Wow, that was hard!

Back to the bedroom we go.

Lil Man: Oh, my banket. (blanket)

Me: Where is that?

Lil Man: I dont know.

And here we go again.
After finding it we head back to the bedroom yet again. In my head I am thinking 3rd time is a charm, right?

Me: you really need to get all this stuff and stop stalling. (in my head I am saying: Oh I sound like my mom!)

Lil man: My not sall-y (stalling)

Me: And quit trying to be cute about it!

After he is all tucked in we exchange hugs and kisses.

Lil Man: My love you, mommy!

Me: I love you too

Lil Man: I see you morn (morning)

Me: I will see you in the morning too.

5-10 minutes later he is at his door.

Lil Man: Mommy! Mommy! (in a whisper)

Me: What?

Lil man: it dark.

Me: It is supposed to be dark. It is night night time.

Lil Man: My scared.

Me: You have 2 night lights and 2 flashlights.

Lil Man: Oh!

Me: Now go back to bed (sounding like my mother in the same tone of voice!)

We go back and forth for a while at this and then I listen to him talk to his toys until he is finally asleep about 30 min to an hour later.

That is my nightly routine.

Reading at the moment

Dizzy C's Little Book Blog got me hooked on books now that I am unsure of my job situation. Thought I would have more time to read.
Either way, I took lil man to the local library yesterday and am reading"The Invisible Circus" written by Jennifer Egan

Incerpt: The 1960s seem to have had a pervasive influence on the lives of those who were young then. Phoebe O'Connor saw those years in terms of her older sister Faith's life and death. In 1978, 18-year-old Phoebe decides to relive the final months of Faith's life and perhaps discover the truth about her death. She leaves San Francisco for Europe, determined to retrace Faith's journey using the precious postcards from Faith that she has saved for ten years. She visits London, Amsterdam, France, and Germany, where she meets Faith's lover, Wolf. Wolf decides to accompany her to Italy, and they have a passionate, feverish affair as they travel to the place of Faith's death. Phoebe learns the truth about Faith, the sister she has idealized, and about herself and her family.

I am on chapter 3...I told you I just went yesterday to the library and I started reading about 10pm last night. So far it has been really great and if I could get off blogger, I am sure I could have it read by tonight.

Lil man LOVES the following and wants me to read them over and over, so I recommend them for your preschooler.

A classic that I plan on buying for him as we dont own this one yet:

AND

 This is definitely and easy read and it rhymes

Another easy read

'Til Death Do Us Part

Even if it is over some questions and answers!
I interviewed my mother a while back and thought it would be fun to interview my hubby so you guys could get to know the man who annoys the snot out of me!

Dear Hubby in 2005.

This is the first time I am seeing these answers so I did not alter them.


1. What have you learned from life that makes you who you are today? 
WOW thats a pretty long list but a couple that come to mind are common sense and being a father.
2. What are your plans (goals) for the future? 
To strive everyday to be a better-father, husband, see my parents and sister more than once a year and to have a better income.
3. How do you visualize the perfect woman? What are her attributes?
To be semi smart, have common sense, affectionate, loves kids, enjoys traveling when the opportunity arrives and enjoys the simple things in life and one who hates drama (he must not be talking about me then because I am VERY smart, have a lot of common sense, can be affectionate, I adore kids when they are cute and aren't annoying, loves to travel but dont get to do it often and I enjoy simple things and hate drama but drama always finds me)
4. What is it that you don’t like about your partner?  
There is nothing i dont like about you, you are who you are and thats your personality and i do not wish to change that for myself, even though it may seem like it at times
5. Do you think that in a relationship that you have to bare your whole soul to your partner, or is it okay to keep some things private? 
Depends on the trust you have with one another and depends on your personality-lots can contribute to this answer
6. What is the most adventurous activity you would like both of us to do together? 
Well there is two that come to mind- 1- to continue our lives together, to have more kids and be financially stable. 2- to go to Ireland and Scotland for 2 weeks and roam the countryside and stay at a bed and breakfast every night
7. What is your idea of a fun day? 
Being with my family, doesnt matter what we are doing!!
8. Are there household responsibilities you believe to be the sole domain of a man or a woman? Why do you believe this?
NOPE!
9. Is it important that you and your partner have friends in common?  
Would be nice but not mandatory
10. Do you remember the exact date you and your partner first met and what you did on your first date?

Not the exact date and yes (at least he is honest)

 

Dear Hubby and I early 2006---I was pregnant in this photo with lil man

Pumpkin Seeds

When it comes to Halloween, my favorite part about the holiday besides getting dressed up and getting candy is PUMPKIN SEEDS.
I am an addict. Hey, first step is always admitting...or is that denial? Oh well. I am an addict to pumpkin seeds and I will admit it.
I have yet to carve my 5 pumpkins in my house to get the seeds yet but I will eventually.
Therefore, I am stealing a post from What Mama Wants on how to make the perfect Baked Pumpkin Seeds

Photo Courtesy: What Mama Wants

After you clean the seeds, soak them in salt water at least 30 minutes

Photo Courtesy: What Mama Wants

 Drain the seeds and toss them with olive oil

Photo Courtesy: What Mama Wants

 Spread them on a baking sheet and sprinkle with salt. Bake for 1 hour

Yes, it is as simple as 1, 2, 3...after you scoop the seeds out of the yucky slimy inside of the pumpkin but in the end it is SOOOOO worth it!
If you have any other pumpkin seed recipes you have used in the past, please let me know. I am up to trying to pumpkin seed flavors!

Day 11-A Letter to a Deceased Person

To my Grammy,

Oh, how I miss you. It’s been a short while since you have passed on, and even though time continues to move, my heart just stands still and remembers. You were so full of life and filled to the brim with love for your family.

Sometimes when Mom laughs, I see your smile and hear your laughter.

I remember many drives with you to town or to the local McDonald's to visit family. Swimming in the condo swimming pool and how you had to search high and low for the pool key, and getting in trouble for smacking my gum and popping bubbles. I remember many summers there in Ohio and I regret not being able to travel there the past few years of your life. I remember your hugs.

My heart breaks because you left before you were able to meet my husband or my son and now you wont be able to see him grow, but I believe you are looking down on all of us and watch us each and every day.

I still have the things from your house that I felt I could use or wanted for memory sake. I even bought your car, Lizzie, only to have her "pass on" and it broke my heart just as much as it did the day I found out you were gone from this Earth. Just thinking about it now, my throat is starting to get tight and my eyes are filling up with tears.

Moving on.

I miss you so much. And I love you still.

God bless your soul and may you rest in peace. Just save a spot up there for all of us and we will have one big party when we meet again. Maybe I will bring some extra gum for you! *chuckles*

Photo Courtesy: Wendy: my mom and my Grammy (her mother) in 2008

Friday 4 Flashback

Halloween 2006- 2 months - baby cow

Halloween 2007- 14 months -"Dead" Pirate..he wouldn't wear hat/wig

Halloween 2008- 2 yrs and 2 months - Scooby Doo

Halloween 2009 - 3 yrs and 2 months -Race Car Driver

Some of you are asking what he will be this year....he is going to be Iron Man this year. This weekend is Halloween so keep your eyes peeled for photos!

Bloggers Listen Up

I am not trying to offend anyone here but really....if I wanted to listen to some music I would pop in my ear buds to my MP3 player or I would just surf Youtube. I really dont care much for those blogs with music players attached to them especially when I have more than one open and then I got to surf each blog to figure out who has the elevator music, the hard punk rock stuff, the rap crap and then the twangy stuff. Give it, I listen to all that stuff but not while on the computer!
End of rant!

Friday Flashback

Lil Man 5 yrs ago for Halloween

Today's flashback goes to my lil man in his VERY first Halloween costume 5 yrs ago. Yes he is only 4 but he is about to celebrate his 5th Halloween.
He was 2 months old in this photo and was a baby cow.

I...

I found this on Live, Laugh, Love with the Pondering Princess and thought it was neat so I am going to give it a go. It also gets me out of the "funk" mood I was in when typing that last blog entry.

I.....

I am: not sure what will happen the final months of the year or my job but....
I know: things will get better as God has a plan for me and I have to have faith in Him
I want: appreciation for all I do
I have: to realize I have so many people in my life that do appreciate and care for me.
I wish: I could just stop seeing the negative and move on with the positive.
I hate: drama and I don't need it in life.
I miss: my grandparents, my uncle, and everyone that has passed before me.
I fear: that my family will not have a great Christmas.
I feel: like a failure at times
I hear: the annoying buzzing of my husband's HUGE modem and it is annoying
I smell: the Penne Rosa that I made for dinner hours ago.
I crave: something sweet yet something salty...who has chocolate covered pretzels?
I search: for appreciation of all I do and acceptance of who I am.
I regret: so much I have never done and so much of the time I have taken away from my family while working
I love: my family
I care: very much about my family
I always: worry about my family, worry about money and worry about those that I dont hear from for a while.
I believe: God has a plan for me...what it is, I have yet to figure that one out.
I dance: when I am cleaning...if there is music on.
I sing: in the car and sometimes in the shower (if I am alone in the house)
I don’t always: go about things the right way and I don't always take the opinions of others.
I truly desire: to have friends that can accept me for who I am and that I can share anything and everything with.
I like: sleeping in until the mid afternoon and I like my puppy when he curls up next to me when he knows I am depressed as he can cheer me up. 
I write: to get it all out as I am the queen of bottling things up inside.
I lose: my mind when people dont listen and I have to tell them a million times.
I win: when I do something to make myself proud.
I try: hard to make others proud and happy
I never: stop until I have met my goal
I am grateful: that I have a mother who is very understanding and loving and that I can share anything with.
I listen: to upbeat songs to get me in a good mood
I am scared: to fly and to lose those that I care deeply about.
I need: to stop beating myself up and see the positive in everything.
I am happy that: I have a place to lay my head, friends I can talk to in times of need, parents who care about me, siblings and children to teach me life's hardest lessons.
I tag: anyone who would like to play

Just leave a comment and the link to your blog if you decide to play along.

Anyone have a quarter?

I need it to call someone who cares. But then again, I have all you followers out there as well as new readers.

I have so much going on and it isn't funny. Well some from the outside may think so but the tear stains left on my computer desk and keyboard from today say otherwise.

Where to start? What to share?

To keep a long story short I will just say Saturday evening I closed our store and Sunday morning I opened the store to find we were pretty much robbed. Yes, I said robbed. The only thing I find funny about that is I looked it up on the town crime blotter last night and found that exact same address has been robbed a few times in the past. Okay, onto how this makes my life miserable. I also asked for a pay raise a week before. I was hired as manager yet was being used as everything else as well and was not getting paid enough for all I was doing. I, in turn, had all sorts of fingers pointed my direction as the theft. Let me be honest, if I had stolen THAT amount of cash I would a) go on a shopping spree for new clothes, shoes and house decor b) pay bills or c) skip town. Wouldn't you? I would not go into work the following day and pretend I knew nothing of it. After all that happened, other things started happening and I was blamed for those as well even though THOSE specific events, I was not in town or in the store when it all happened. I am fed up with the false accusations and explained to my boss just how I felt. She told me I was over reacting and that she too was a suspect when in fact she was not accusing herself nor one other employee and it was just myself and one other. I am just done with it all. I do not like to be seen as a quitter but at this point in time I feel like I am quitting. I need a job before the holidays so my family has a good Christmas.
I am bored at home and when I get bored, I get a bit depressed. I am trying to find things to do to keep me busy but so far the only thing that has kept me busy has been about 3 days of cleaning: the kitchen sink, the stove, the fridge, the cabinets (outside), the counter tops, laundry, washing sheets, vacuuming the upstairs, vacuuming the downstairs, cleaning the master bedroom, cleaning the master closet, cleaning the dishwasher and now I am out of things to do. I am not out of things to clean but I am all "cleaned out" and I am done with cleaning for now. I need a hobby. I was doing some knitting for a while but yarn can be expensive and I am low on yarn. I have some lanyard string but I don't have the patience to make lanyards at the time being. I was a photographer but it is hard to photograph anything when you have no models and I am not much for landscape/nature photography.
Yesterday my sob story started with rolling up the windows in my car. Yes, rolling up the windows. It was getting to the point my hair was in my eyes so I told everyone "watch your fingers" as I rolled up the window in case they had their fingers or hands in the windows. I didn't realize until it was too late that the mommy of the year award has just demoted to worst mommy of the year as I smashed my 4 yr old's fingers in the window. Of course, my window buttons are funny and wasn't sure which was up or down and rolled them down to let him get them out and I thought he had them out when he didn't and I rolled them back up in the window. Dang, I am such a bad mommy. After doing that at least one more time, I pulled over and had hubby make sure he was okay while I got out of the car and beat myself up over it all.
Today has just been one of those days as well where I feel I am blamed for things and I just want to dig a hole. I had to swat my lil man because he just WONT LEAVE THE DOGS ALONE (he was bit by one of them a week or so ago) and we have told him over a gazillion times to leave them alone so I got fed up with it and did what I always said I would NOT do and that was spank my lil man. I felt so bad but he just wouldn't listen.
Why do I always feel like a bad mommy?
I want another baby, I really do but things like these that happen make me NOT want anymore kids because then at those moments I feel like the worst mother ever.
I need to get out of this funk. I keep telling myself that the Lord has better things and opportunities for me but I can't get myself to believe it. I guess I need to go to church for a while to get my faith back. I don't know.
So much going on.
The good part of all this is I heard from my younger sister who I have not spoke to in over 4 months now but it wasn't just to "sister chat" it was to see if could pay half of the money for a trip for another sibling home for Thanksgiving. That put me in a bummed mood because I am not sure if this will be my last paycheck or not and I can't afford to bring another sibling home for Thanksgiving.

Hot Cocoa please!

This is my pup, Squirt. This is the sweater mommy made for Squirt. It still fits him too!
I made the sweater via a Knifty Knitter so if you want the pattern to this sweater you can check out Off The Loom and click here for the link to the doggie sweater. She has great loom patterns and easy to follow instructions on all her patterns.
It is getting that time of the year here in Texas....can we say FINALLY?!?!?! Today, I sat outside with hubby and had to put on pants, socks and a hoodie sweater. Eventually after 5 min of sitting outside, I went inside to make a cup of hot cocoa.
It is 67* outside...yes I am wuss when it comes to cold weather but dear hubby....check this out
He is in a Tshirt and pants up in the mountains of Tennessee 

 While I look like a big cold wuss wearing a sweater in cold windy weather in the same area!

He is warm blooded and I am not!!!! I cannot stand anything below 70* or else I complain it is too cold! BUT, I am just glad Texas is finally getting hoodie weather because I have missed my hoodies. I spend all winter in these bad boys!

From the Mouths of Winners

Several days ago Autumn from Ramblings of a Frantic Mommy won the Halloween Giveaway and The Ornament Patch was so kind to ship it priority mail and she received it today.
Here is her review from her blog!

A few days ago I entered a blog giveaway at I Sound Like My Mother. She is one of my favorite bloggers, so when I won the giveaway I was super happy.
I know you want to know what I won so here we go. I won...




THIS

I know it is super cute. I just love it. I thought it would be a little bigger, but oh well. It is super cute. I have it sitting on my shelf in full view for all my friends and family to see! The design and the way it is put together is simple amazing. I love the colors. The green and orange look good together.
I bet you want one for you self and I do not blame you. I am even will to share were you can get one for yourself. You can find one like mine, and many more at The Ornament Patch on Facebook, or on Etsy.
I hope you stop by and check them out, because they are amazing. Happy Shopping.

Thanks so much Autumn. You are awesome. Keep an eye out for other giveaways as you could win as well!

Day 10 - A Letter to Someone I Should Talk to More Often

Dear *****
It's funny how life throws you curve balls and instead of trying to hit them, we run from them. Well, at least you do. We dont talk as much anymore because, well, that is your fault. You can't accept the fact that someone other than you might be right. You can't accept the fact that someone might actually care about you and want the best for you. I never try to be bossy or tell you what to do or how to live your life. I just give you tips on the way. I enjoyed growing up and having late night chats with you, walking the mall together scoping out what people are wearing and what the heck they were thinking that morning, as well as many lunch/dinner dates having to get managers involved because waiters/waitresses S-U-C-K!
I do miss you and I miss talk to you. I am not going to buy you back into my life. I want you to come to me when you are ready. Unfortunately, that may be a long time as it has been about 4 months or so already. Doesn't seem like a long time but it is to me. I can't see you on Facebook nor Myspace (who has one of those now a days?) and if I send you a text it gets deleted I am sure as well as phone call going straight to voicemail.
Just know that I do care about you and I do love you. All I ever wanted for you was the best.
I grew up WAY too fast because of the situation we were all in and I wanted to be a good role model but I dont think I was that...and if I was, well then you didnt want to be anything like me. You are your own spunky self with an attitude yet a great head on your shoulders. I never wanted the worst for you but I feel you are slipping and slipping in a hole you can't get out of and you want to ask for help but just dont want to be seen as weak. Trust me, I have been there, done that. Yes, it is hard to ask for help but it feels great in the end. It really does!
Anyways, I am sure you will never read this and if you do, you probably wont read it all but either way, I miss you and love you and wish we would talk more often.
Sisters?
-Teresa

I Tawt of You

Here is the back story. I grew up drinking 2% milk. When I moved in with hubby in 2004 he always drank Whole milk so for the past 6 yrs I have been drinking whole milk and on occasion 2%. Well, lately, hubby has had his brain elsewhere and has been buying 1%. Some say you can't tell the difference.....well I can. I have very strong taste buds.
Last night, I was going to make stroganoff for dinner but didn't have enough milk so I ended up making the boys and I some hamburgers.
Either way, I woke up this morning to find this:

Front: "I Tawt of you today!"

Inside: "I did! I did! I weally did tink of you!" Signed by my dear hubby!

The sign on the door of the fridge: "Milk in Fridge"

Opened fridge to find 2 new gallons of whole milk in our fridge!!! YAY!!!!

My hubby so sweet........when he wants to be! *chuckles*

In the Halloween Spirit

I'm in a blog posting mood tonight..cant ya tell!?!?!?

So I bought this CUTE shirt...that unfortunately I can only wear during the Halloween season but thought I would share.

Before I realized it was about 40mph winds outside

 After I had been outside in the crazy winds and pulled my hair back

 And what the weather looked like that day around my area.

They Grow Up So Fast

They go from this:

Sept 21, 2009

To this:

October 25, 2010