The cursor is blinking at me. Is it blinking or winking? Telling me to type something or telling me that I already know what I want to type but just having a hard time finding the right words?? Songs and quotes fill my head this windy yet chilly afternoon along with a head cold and sinus infection.
But I can’t be whole,
'til I let all this anger go,
The silent strain I’ve carried long enough.
And I can’t be with you,
I don’t even want to,
I just wish your ghosts were gone,
Cause I’m ready to love,
I’ve been guarded long enough.
For years, I have dealt with pain in many relationships. My high school sweetheart, who at the time I thought I would marry and grow old with, left me for his ex girlfriend and ended up marrying her. They are now divorced but inside, I still carry that hurt and that pain. Now that I am divorced, I still can't bring myself to forgive nor forget how it all went down. They say forgiving is easier than forgetting but to be honest neither of them are easy. I guess I just need to forgive myself for putting myself in those situations and move on before even thinking about forgiving them for hurting me.
But don't you remember? Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before
Baby, please remember me once more.
Why can't real love be similar to that in movies? The man realizes he loves the woman and waits until she is leaving town or has left to go chasing after her. He leaves her in tears at his speech of how much in love with her he is and how he can't live one more second without her even though at times she gets under his skin and sometimes annoys the hell out of him. Yet, the way she squishes her nose at the smell of the rain is cute and he adores that. The way she says something yet is confused by what she just says makes him laugh and he loves her sense of humor. That would make love and relationships all too easy, huh?!
Even though it is fiction and the fantasy of the writer, this is what true love is. No age, religion, ethnicity, etc is an issue. Just the bond they share between them! That is true love and to have something like that is healing, strong, everlasting, spiritual and romantic.
Yet again, my cursor blinks at me. Blinking or winking? Blinking because I have come to the end of this blog as I have nothing more to write or winking because it knows I have more to write yet just can't find the write words to put down on this screen?
In the end, they all say time heals and makes things easier. I am trying to surround myself with people that make me laugh, people that make me think and people that make me forget the past and look more towards the future. I am lucky to have such people in my life and I am not sure where I would be in life now if it weren't for them.
Life may not be going accordingly right at this moment but I think about how unhappy I was for 8 years and how happy I am now that I am not in that situation any longer.
It may seem as the hardest thing to do, but you have to forget about the guy who forgot about you. -The Notebook