Saturday, March 17, 2012

Happy St Patrick's Day

We all wore green today so no one got pinched! I take that back, lil dude pinched us a few times so we pinched him back.
We got some photos of us at the park in our green so that is a plus.
I was also able to shoot a preemie session in the NICU of Presby Plano for Preemie Prints.

Here are the photos with us in our green and just a few from the Preemie Prints session.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Is This What Closure Feels Like?

Closure. Simple word, seven letters, noun loosely meaning “an ending”. But by far, the concept of closure is extraordinarily difficult to achieve. Why is this so tough to do? What makes closure such a difficult concept? "It's not you, it's me" is the typical closure sentence.
That wasn't what I got out of my relationship. I got a simple "when you finally get over me, you won't care how many girls I am around or what girls I am hanging out with!" Wow, talk about harsh.
A woman can handle many things, but the one thing she won’t deal with is her time being wasted. I think after a few days and being around my ex husband a few more times with his girlfriend and girl friends, I have realized that is all I ever did. Waste my time....waste it with him. After realizing that I don't think he ever truly appreciated me and all I did for him, I became numb. Not that tingly just-hit-funny bone numb or foot-is-asleep numb because then at least I would feel something. I feel nothing. Hatred---I wish! I have so much I could hate him for but I don't. Angry---not anymore. Why be angry over something I can't fix? Annoyed---a tad only because of his immaturity lately as well as disrespect. Hurt---not anymore. At least I don't think so. I think he hurt me for so long and hurt me so bad that I no longer feel hurt. I also believe, because of the hurt I have been through, I have built a wall so high around my heart so it won't get broken again. I am trying to put it back together. It is like a house of cards. You get the base built and someone bumps the table or a breeze comes by and knocks it down; I don't want that to happen to my heart.
So, I ask, is this what closure feels like? No longer having any emotion or feeling tied to the one that left you and broke your heart?
I am trying to move on and live my life like it never happened but in all honesty, I can't get the past 8 years back. I just have to make up for them, and it all starts with this:

Friday, March 9, 2012

Forget About It

The cursor is blinking at me. Is it blinking or winking? Telling me to type something or telling me that I already know what I want to type but just having a hard time finding the right words?? Songs and quotes fill my head this windy yet chilly afternoon along with a head cold and sinus infection.

But I can’t be whole,
'til I let all this anger go,
The silent strain I’ve carried long enough.

And I can’t be with you,
I don’t even want to,
I just wish your ghosts were gone,
Cause I’m ready to love,
I’ve been guarded long enough.

For years, I have dealt with pain in many relationships. My high school sweetheart, who at the time I thought I would marry and grow old with, left me for his ex girlfriend and ended up marrying her. They are now divorced but inside, I still carry that hurt and that pain. Now that I am divorced, I still can't bring myself to forgive nor forget how it all went down. They say forgiving is easier than forgetting but to be honest neither of them are easy. I guess I just need to forgive myself for putting myself in those situations and move on before even thinking about forgiving them for hurting me.

But don't you remember? Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before
Baby, please remember me once more.

Why can't real love be similar to that in movies? The man realizes he loves the woman and waits until she is leaving town or has left to go chasing after her. He leaves her in tears at his speech of how much in love with her he is and how he can't live one more second without her even though at times she gets under his skin and sometimes annoys the hell out of him. Yet, the way she squishes her nose at the smell of the rain is cute and he adores that. The way she says something yet is confused by what she just says makes him laugh and he loves her sense of humor. That would make love and relationships all too easy, huh?!

Even though it is fiction and the fantasy of the writer, this is what true love is. No age, religion, ethnicity, etc is an issue. Just the bond they share between them! That is true love and to have something like that is healing, strong, everlasting, spiritual and romantic.

Yet again, my cursor blinks at me. Blinking or winking? Blinking because I have come to the end of this blog as I have nothing more to write or winking because it knows I have more to write yet just can't find the write words to put down on this screen?

In the end, they all say time heals and makes things easier. I am trying to surround myself with people that make me laugh, people that make me think and people that make me forget the past and look more towards the future. I am lucky to have such people in my life and I am not sure where I would be in life now if it weren't for them.

Life may not be going accordingly right at this moment but I think about how unhappy I was for 8 years and how happy I am now that I am not in that situation any longer.

It may seem as the hardest thing to do, but you have to forget about the guy who forgot about you. -The Notebook

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Spring Break Is Upon Us....Yet Again

It is that time of the year again when all your kiddies are out of school and you are stuck with them for an entire week. You know they will wake up at the butt crack of dawn, want to play video games, watch tv all day and eat EVERYTHING in your pantry and fridge. So, how do you get them outside and off their butts? Thank goodness for Pinterest. If you haven't, yet, found this glorious hole on the internet, you are seriously behind. That is like not having a Facebook. C'mon, it is 2012, get with the program!
Thank goodness my child is 5 and still loves to play outside. Yes, give him Call of Duty and he will be on that game like a fly stuck on fly paper, but I have mommy powers of getting him to go outside. Not really, I just turn off the tv or tell him he will be stuck in his room with NOTHING else to do all day if he wants to whine about it.
So, my plans for this Spring Break is to make a fort in the living room, watch some Disney movies while eating BUTTERY popcorn, playing at the park EVERY DAY (if this bipolar Texas weather takes it's meds) and maybe I can get lil man's daddy to let him bring his scooter so he can ride on that as well. Also, play with his army/medieval men, have a NERF war (after getting batteries for the other gun), cooking plenty of dinners, coloring, maybe visiting Nana and Papa as well as Uncle and then who knows what else. We may just lounge in our pajamas and eat junk food all week. Sounds good to me.
I may even bribe him into letting me take some more photos of him...ya a million years would he let me do that.
So, what do you plan on doing with your children or making your children do while they are out of school?

I leave you with random photos from Spring Breaks years before.

Visiting Tennessee in March of 2004

Laying on the sandy beaches of Panama City, Florida for the first time on Spring Break in 2004.

My older sister (furthest right) came to visit Spring Break of 2007 and we all did a get together and of course we are all our own goof balls!

Around this time in 2009, I got a tattoo on my foot. Not planning on getting one this Spring Break but you can bet if I had the money for one, I totally would! 
Goes to show Texas is bipolar. Here it snowed in 2010 around Spring Break.

And last year, 2011, I was getting dental work done to remove my wisdom teeth. My lil man was right there keeping me company while I was healing.