Friday, September 30, 2011

30 Days of Me - Day 9

Day 9 - Your definition of love

This is like defining the un-definable. There are many definitions to love. I would typically say my definition of love is not judging and very caring and someone who will be there to hold your hand through the tough times. 

But today, after going through what I have gone through, I would definitely have to define love as the unspeakable. Speaking only through your eyes and your heart and knowing what it is the other person is feeling or saying without truly even saying it. As you get older and mature, love may not be easy to come across because you are no longer in that crush or lust phase. You have been there and know the difference and you do not stand to play games or get walked all over. Love happens in many forms and many places and many languages but TRUE LOVE that is a language and a world of it's very own. It is not necessarily something you expect or appear as you want it but it is there. 

True love is unconditional. It has zero expectations. True love isn't how you feel about someone but how you feel when you are with that person. It is that smile that comes across your face as you just think of the person or read something from them or just receive a phone call. True love is falling asleep with the spiritual feeling of their arms wrapped around you. It is the empathetic bond or connection you have with someone even when you are not together. True love can also come in the form of feeling pain. Pain because your heart is aching when you are not with them. The pain of having to say good bye until you see them again. The pain as you are pulling away after a kiss or a hug. The pain as the tears roll down your cheeks because all you want is to be with that person. True love is also beautiful inside and out. When you see an older couple walking down the sidewalk still holding hands and laughing. When you see an expecting mother and the daddy to be is rubbing and kissing the belly. 

True love is when you cannot imagine spending the rest of your life without them. 

Thursday, September 29, 2011

30 Days of Me - Day 8

Day 8 - Something you hate about yourself and what you can do to change it.

Are we really on Day 8 already?!?! Wow!

I can think right off the top of my head one thing I hate about myself. That thing would be the way I think of myself. I have the mind of an eating disorder patient. I have lost 25 pounds and anytime I eat and I get full...not comfortable...but FULL...I feel like I gained it all back. I look at myself and see a bulge of stomach and think I am fat. I used to have a really low self esteem and after losing the weight, I was finally able to wear a bikini this summer with confidence but now I'm starting to look at myself again as fat. I know I am not. I tell myself that all the time. Each morning, though, I have to stand on the scale and then each night before I go to bed. I need to just take the scale OUT of reach and out of sight.
So, I think what I will do is make a challenge for myself to NOT weigh myself for a week and then just to eat whatever I want but not to FILL up on it but to eat enough to where I am comfortable and each time I feel like I am fat or say I am fat, I will take a walk or jog around 5 blocks! I think that is self discipline enough!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

30 Days of Me - Day 7

Day 7 - Your idea of your dream wedding (or if you are married, what was your wedding like)

I am...have been married but honestly it was nowhere near my dream wedding. It small and near a beach...not on it. It was in the fall but felt like summer.

My dream wedding would be in the fall. The color scheme would consist of purple and orange. They are a great color combination and resemble fall perfectly. 

It would be super cute for the bridesmaids....even myself to wear boots but it isn't something that has to be done. Especially if the groom isn't into the idea. 

The bouquets would be gorgeous with both purple and orange flowers in them. Maybe orange roses with purple lily's. 

Center pieces could consist of twigs/branches with some beading hanging from them or even flowers on them. Maybe even wine glasses upside down with a flower under neath and a candle on top. What cute ideas. 

I am unsure on the dress but I know I would love for it to be strapless or have one shoulder and a gorgeous train. October in Texas is always unpredictable but I don't want to be hot or uncomfortable. I also would love a sash/ribbon on my dress in either purple or orange. 

Even just a simple wedding cake but still elegant and big enough to feed everyone. Then again, let's be realistic....not everyone eats a piece of cake. 

An outdoor wedding would be great if the weather agreed. Especially if you can smell the crisp fall leaves in the air and the temps are just right. Instead of rose petals down aisle or an aisle runner. It would be fun to have pumpkins lining each chair aisle with maybe BIG orange/purple balloons tied to them. Or even vintage lanterns next to each aisle. 

Maybe even do a candy/sweets bar and have like fall colored candy as well as other sweets. 

Maybe even have the reception in a barn or something similar with like paper lanterns and candles everywhere. Let's just hope we don't burn the place down! 

The bridesmaids in either purple or orange...or even a mix of both and even the groom/groomsmen wearing orange/purple ties/vests. 

I am sure there are many details I am missing but that is gist of my dream wedding. I want it to be big. Big to me is anything close to 100 guests and at least 3-5 bridesmaids/groomsmen. My wedding only consisted of my in laws and a ring bearer and my brother. I want to be able to do the bouquet/garter toss, toasts, dancing, etc.  And I would love for the groom to be involved in a lot of the decision making. It is his day too and I want his opinions and we can compromise! 

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Lend A Helping Hand

For those that know me, know I moved in with my hubby only 3 months after we started dating back in May of 2004. If I could go back in time, I would suggest to NEVER do that with anyone else unless you know the person very well and are more than certain you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. For those that also know me, know I have been pretty much a stay at home mom and housewife for the past 7 years. For the longest time, I thought the only reason my husband let me move in with him and married me was just for me to take care of the house and the kids. There are times, I will admit, that he does load the dishwasher, wash some dishes, do some laundry and sometimes pick up around the house. To me that is just light cleaning. Cleaning really means using cleaning products and some elbow grease.
Last night, I was told that "since the separation," it seems I haven't "wanted to help out around here." *Jaw drop* Yes, that is what happened. I was in shock. My response was "okay, so what have I done the past 7 years?!?!? Yes, stayed home, took care of the kids and cleaned the house while he slept and worked.
I hate calling people out over the internet when I know, in fact, they can read every word that is written here but in all honesty, I am done hiding my feelings and emotions. I was and still am very hurt.
So, what did I do today? I cleaned.
* Ran the dishwasher
* Cleaned the kitchen island/bar (the thing in the middle of the kitchen)
* Vacuumed the living room
* Dusted all furniture in the living room
* Swept the kitchen and cleaned the kitchen floor mat
* Vacuumed the stairs (yes, I did!)
* Emptied the guest bathroom trash can
* Washed and dried a load of blankets
* Cleaned the dining room table
* Cleaned the master bathroom vanity/counters/sinks as well as the toilet and the mirror
* Cleaned the washing machine

The coffee table before: Hubby's clothes along with some of my son's pajamas. Hubby's water bottle and his dinner plate from last night (ya, gross). And all my son's markers/colors and books.

The after. Only took about 5 minutes to do that.

Hubby's end table by couch BEFORE. This is ridiculous

The end table afterwards. Another 5 minutes of cleaning. Yes, still quite a bit of stuff on it but it is all stuff that he really needs to go through but it is organized to say the least.

The before master bathroom vanity. The hair clippers hubby used this weekend still laying out along with a pair of his shorts on the counter. Everything on the right side of the counter is my stuff and all the stuff on the left is his. You can't see it in the photo but his side was worse because he shaves and trims his goatee/beard over his counter/sink so there was hair EVERYWHERE. Also on his counter/sink was blood stains from weeks ago when he cut his ear at the boat shop and never cleaned it up.

The master bathroom after. This, in fact, did not take 5-10 minutes but actually about 20 along with cleaning the mirror and the toilet.

So after all this cleaning that I have done today, I just want to show people that I do do things around here and that I do lend a helping hand. I do not have a job at the moment but in honesty, I'd rather only clean up the messes I make because there are at least 2 others that live in this house MORE THAN CAPABLE of cleaning their messes as well as picking up a vacuum or cleaning solution/product and just volunteering 5-30 minutes of their life to help clean.
I am just wondering what will happen when I do leave this house after everything is finalized. Will it look like one of those houses on the show "Hoarders" or will hubby find a "live in housekeeper" to do the dirty work? (Literally!)
Either way, I am putting my foot down and saying that I will no longer clean anything unless it is my mess or a mess of someone/something that is not capable of cleaning the mess.

30 Days of Me - Day 6

Day 6 - A song that has a special meaning to you.

Theory of A Deadman - All or Nothing

Monday, September 26, 2011

30 Days of Me - Day 5

Day 5 - A photo of someplace you went to TWO years ago.

My brother and I took a spontaneous weekend trip to San Antonio, Texas 2 years ago. It was only like a 48 hour trip but hey it was fun, we did a lot and shared a lot of laughs, learned some lessons and saw a lot. I would love to do it again sometime in the future. I love mini-vacations with my brother. 

Sunday, September 25, 2011

30 Days of Me - Day 4

Day 4 - A habit you wish you could break.

There are many habits I wish to break. I used to bite my nails and I finally broke that habit. But lately it has been munching on crushed ice....I know it is bad for your teeth but sometimes it relaxes me. I dont know why. Another habit is turning down comments or compliments about how nice, beautiful, or a great person I am. I just dont believe it at all times. I need to learn to take it as a compliment, blush, say thank you and move on. Not bring up this "oh whatever, you are just saying that" type stuff.
Here is to breaking habits!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

30 Days of Me - Day 3

Day 3 - A photo of you and your friends.

I cannot find any photos of me and any friends anywhere on my computer. Does that mean I have no friends?? Maybe not, just means I am always out having a good time with friends and not concerned with taking pictures.

Friday, September 23, 2011

30 Days of Me - Day 2

Day 2 - The meaning behind your name or your blogger name.

The meaning behind my name is still unclear to me. I know my mother has told me many times but with a short term memory, it's not something I quite remember. But, I can tell you the meaning behind my blogger name/title "I Sound Like My Mother"! I have a 5 year old and there are many times I tell him something, yell at him in a way or just flat out say something to myself and I end up going "OH MY GOSH, I sounded like my mother" tone and all! 

Thursday, September 22, 2011

30 Days of Me - Day 1

Day 1 - A photo of yourself and 10 interesting facts about yourself.

Thanks to Truelove Photography for this photo!

10 interesting facts about me....hmmmm. *Putting my thinking cap on for this one* Why is it, facts about yourself, are always hard to come up with. Besides the usual of course....yes I have hazel eyes and brown hair but you can tell that by looking at the photo!

10. I like my showers so hot, the walls sweat and the mirrors steam up. Yes, I know it isn't good on my hair/scalp but when it comes time to washing my hair, I turn the water temperature down. 

9. I can say the alphabet backwards.....or at least I used to be able to. 

8. I am not a girly girl and I like to play with Hot Wheels and get dirty but I do still like to dress up and wear make up and do my hair. 

7. I like to "test" toys at toy stores just to see what they do, how loud they are, how annoying they can be and, of course, just to play with them. 

6. As one of my friends said once, "I am a Texas transplant" meaning I was not born here but as some say...I got here as fast as I could. 

5. I wanted to be a photo journalist because I love photography so much but now I am inching more and more to wanting to be a beauty consultant or make up artist because my make up bag is so full it won't close. I love make up. 

4. I will not wear nail polish on my finger nails because it will be chipped no matter what the top coat is the following day. I will though, paint my toe nails about once every month to a different color. 

3. No matter how hot or how cold it is inside or outside, I will always sleep tucked into the covers like an eskimo. Yes, I still believe if I have an arm or leg out, the monster under the bed will snatch it! 

2. I find that coloring in coloring books is very relaxing. 

1.  Last, but not least, I always wanted to be a country singer and was in choir since about the 3rd grade I do believe. 

30 Days of Me

I have, in the past, ATTEMPTED to do MANY 30 day challenges and found myself unable to complete them because, well let's be honest....I get bored doing it or I just completely forget and get busy doing what I call my LIFE! Ha
So I am combining many and making myself one.

It would a) let my readers/followers into my life just a little bit more and b) get me blogging every day.

Day 1 - A photo of yourself and 10 interesting facts about yourself.

Day 2 - The meaning behind your name or your blogger namer.

Day 3 - A photo of you and your friends.

Day 4 - A habit you wish you could break.

Day 5 - A photo of someplace you went to TWO years ago.

Day 6 - A song that has a special meaning to you.

Day 7 - Your idea of your dream wedding (or if you are married, what was your wedding like)

Day 8 - Something you hate about yourself and what you can do to change it.

Day 9 - Your definition of love

Day 10 - A photo of your best friend and what makes them your best friend.

Day 11 - What is in your make up bag?

Day 12 - A photo of where you grew up and your favorite memory.

Day 13 - A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

Day 14 - Something you love about yourself.

Day 15 - Put your Ipod/MP3 player on shuffle-the first 10 songs.

Day 16 - A photo that makes you smile.

Day 17 - Your celebrity crush.

Day 18 - A letter to someone you miss.

Day 19 - Your nicknames and why you have them or who gave them to you.

Day 20 - A letter to your parents.

Day 21 - Short term goals for this month and why

Day 22 - What makes you different from everyone and why.

Day 23 - Something you never leave the house without.

Day 24 - A photo of something that means a lot to you

Day 25 - What is in your purse/bag?

Day 26 - A letter to yourself 10 years ago

Day 27 - A photo of yourself a year ago and yourself now. How have you changed?

Day 28 - Your favorite movie.

Day 29 - In the past month, what have you learned?

Day 30 - Who are you?

By the time I reach day 30, I hope to answer that question. Maybe that is the point of all find my "true self" like my husband said I should. Maybe to see what I can or need to change in my life to make myself a better person and turn me into someone that I can make happy and that I love.
I hope you will join me along this journey and maybe give some advice or comments along the way as well as maybe start your own blog of this 30 day challenge so I can get some insight into your life as well. Will you join me?

Bucket List---Where I am Now?

Yes, it’s been a long time but I've had a lot happen since May. I was even writing in my actual journal/diary last night and realized I hadn't wrote in that since May either. Wow, what did I do this summer?!?!

So, again, in May this year, I revised my bucket list and I feel it is time to update it a bit.

Right… here’s the list and I will update any I can!

My original list included some things that only Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson would SET OUT to make sure they did just to cross them off their list. If I had their kind of money and their kind of motivation, I may do the same. Therefore, I am going to "x" off all the "impossible" (at the moment) items like "swimming with dolphins", "going on safaris", "see a Broadway play", "travel to other countries and continents", "meet the Princes", etc. I am, therefore, only going to keep the "realistic" ideals.

1. Learn to Ice Skate
2. Volunteer at a wildlife exhibit
3. Participate in a 5k race
4. Attend my high school reunion
5. Test drive/drive a sports car
6. Donate toys during the holidays
7.Take a trip with my mom
8. Cook at least one recipe from every cookbook I own
9. Dye my hair blonde
10. Ride a mechanical bull
11 Complete a 1000 piece puzzle
12 Go on a Girls' Trip
13. Go on a solo vacation
14. Be Debt Free
15. Ride in a Hot Air Balloon
16. See the Circus
17. Visit Colorado
18. Go on a Helicopter Ride
19. Learn to drive a jet ski
20. Learn to back the boat in the water as well as take it out of the water
21. Ride in a limo
22 Ride in a train
23. Go to Disney World
24. Visit all 50 states (11/50)
25. Fly a kite
26. Learn to juggle
27. Solve the Rubik's cube
28. Build a Habitat for Humanity Home
29. Milk a cow
30. Go to Times Square on New Year’s Eve
31. Go to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
32. Drive a '66 Mustang Convertible
33. Own a few Horses
34. Ride EVERY Roller Coaster at Six Flags
35. Ride in the front of a roller coaster.
36. Bungee Jump
37. Learn to swim from one end of the pool to the other completely under water.
38. Take one photo a day for a whole year (365 day project)
39. Watch a NASCAR race (in person and not on TV)
40. Have 1000+ followers on my blog!

I will do my best to keep this one updated. But you can follow my previous list with items already completed here (just click that link).

I On A Rocky Roller Coaster

5 years of marriage....would have been 6 next month all came to a crashing hault last week. In these last 5 years, it has been one bumpy road after the other but no one said it was gonna be easy. I know, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie make it look so simple, along with acting and raising HOW many kids now?? I know they aren't married but, darn it, they might as well be.
Weight loss...sometimes weight gain, depression, emotionally unstable, feeling of boredness and just wanting out. That is all that I have felt lately. I no longer want to feel this way. I tell myself the same thing my husband has been telling me lately "Things happen for a reason". What, may I ask, is the reason for all this? To find my true self-my husband thinks. To find true happiness-my husband thinks. What do I think?? I really can't answer that, to be honest. Happiness, yes, maybe but my true self?? Maybe I need to do an "Eat, Pray, Love" moment and travel the world to find my true self and my true happiness. Ya, if I had the money for that!
You know they say sometimes when you are about to die you see your life flash before your eyes. It is almost that way when you realize that your relationship or your marriage is coming to an see your entire marriage flash before your eyes. What could I have done differently? Said differently? Is it the way I acted? The way I dressed? I knew I shouldn't have used the bathroom in front of him! Ha! I knew we should've gone on more dates together or took some sort of cooking class, art class or dance class together to bring us closer. All these things no longer matter. What matters is gaining the strength to move on and support not only yourself but your child(ren).

Everything will be okay....eventually! I have to keep telling myself that. I have to keep telling myself that I have some EXCELLENT and BEAUTIFUL friends full of advice and shoulders to cry on and ears to lend when I just need to rant. Without them during this painful time, I am not sure where I would be at the moment.
I wish the pain to just move on and move on faster. I am not sure how much longer I can endure such emotion.
In the end, it will all be okay and this experience will not only make me stronger but make me a better person. 

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

You arent supposed to look back on your life but I know many of you do. You wonder "what ifs" or "what could have beens" or even "what the hells". Ha!
I look on mine and ask none of those but "why?". Why did I do that? Why didn't I do that? Why did I say that? Why was I friends with that person? Why didn't I get to know that person? get the point.
Now in my life, Im pretty much asking myself the same things. Yes life is too short to be pondering things you cannot go back and change but maybe change is a good thing. I have changed who I was many times for many people that I start to wonder who I really am.
I am a wife. I am a mother. But am I truly anything else I say I am or the person I act like?
The person I am and have always been is the person I want to become again. I want to set myself free from these chains and be the funny, spontaneous, outgoing, talkative, poetic, soulful, beautiful person I was then. Im tired of being locked in these chains. Im tired of acting like I like someone when truly I am very blunt person and will tell you where to stick it if I don't like you. I am tired of acting happy when deep down my soul and my heart are aching and crying.
I want to be that girl that never stops laughing. I want to be that girl that gets told to shut up because I never stop talking. I want to be that girl who.ia.not afraid to make friends with home random stranger on the street and go to Walmarts or Targets on a weekend just to play with the toys or test drive bikes up and down aisles.I want to be that girl that will take any color.of.paint and paint the town with it because I am a very colorful person.
I want to be set free of all this pain and anger.
I want to fulfill some, if not, all my dreams as well as try to make there's dreams come true.
This anger, pain and hurt I feel inside want out but things need to change for those feelings inside to change.

*sorry for any typos...written via mobile device*

Friday, September 2, 2011

Pinterest's Words To Live By

Again, I am an addict of Pinterest. I drink my coffee while pinning after dropping the kid off to school.

I find these cute, so true to me quotes that I have to pin them to remind myself. Maybe I should make a quote wall in one of the rooms in my house and print these so I can see them all the time!