Wednesday, September 14, 2011

You arent supposed to look back on your life but I know many of you do. You wonder "what ifs" or "what could have beens" or even "what the hells". Ha!
I look on mine and ask none of those but "why?". Why did I do that? Why didn't I do that? Why did I say that? Why was I friends with that person? Why didn't I get to know that person? get the point.
Now in my life, Im pretty much asking myself the same things. Yes life is too short to be pondering things you cannot go back and change but maybe change is a good thing. I have changed who I was many times for many people that I start to wonder who I really am.
I am a wife. I am a mother. But am I truly anything else I say I am or the person I act like?
The person I am and have always been is the person I want to become again. I want to set myself free from these chains and be the funny, spontaneous, outgoing, talkative, poetic, soulful, beautiful person I was then. Im tired of being locked in these chains. Im tired of acting like I like someone when truly I am very blunt person and will tell you where to stick it if I don't like you. I am tired of acting happy when deep down my soul and my heart are aching and crying.
I want to be that girl that never stops laughing. I want to be that girl that gets told to shut up because I never stop talking. I want to be that girl who.ia.not afraid to make friends with home random stranger on the street and go to Walmarts or Targets on a weekend just to play with the toys or test drive bikes up and down aisles.I want to be that girl that will take any color.of.paint and paint the town with it because I am a very colorful person.
I want to be set free of all this pain and anger.
I want to fulfill some, if not, all my dreams as well as try to make there's dreams come true.
This anger, pain and hurt I feel inside want out but things need to change for those feelings inside to change.

*sorry for any typos...written via mobile device*

No comments: