Thursday, March 15, 2012

Is This What Closure Feels Like?

Closure. Simple word, seven letters, noun loosely meaning “an ending”. But by far, the concept of closure is extraordinarily difficult to achieve. Why is this so tough to do? What makes closure such a difficult concept? "It's not you, it's me" is the typical closure sentence.
That wasn't what I got out of my relationship. I got a simple "when you finally get over me, you won't care how many girls I am around or what girls I am hanging out with!" Wow, talk about harsh.
A woman can handle many things, but the one thing she won’t deal with is her time being wasted. I think after a few days and being around my ex husband a few more times with his girlfriend and girl friends, I have realized that is all I ever did. Waste my time....waste it with him. After realizing that I don't think he ever truly appreciated me and all I did for him, I became numb. Not that tingly just-hit-funny bone numb or foot-is-asleep numb because then at least I would feel something. I feel nothing. Hatred---I wish! I have so much I could hate him for but I don't. Angry---not anymore. Why be angry over something I can't fix? Annoyed---a tad only because of his immaturity lately as well as disrespect. Hurt---not anymore. At least I don't think so. I think he hurt me for so long and hurt me so bad that I no longer feel hurt. I also believe, because of the hurt I have been through, I have built a wall so high around my heart so it won't get broken again. I am trying to put it back together. It is like a house of cards. You get the base built and someone bumps the table or a breeze comes by and knocks it down; I don't want that to happen to my heart.
So, I ask, is this what closure feels like? No longer having any emotion or feeling tied to the one that left you and broke your heart?
I am trying to move on and live my life like it never happened but in all honesty, I can't get the past 8 years back. I just have to make up for them, and it all starts with this:

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