Update: Photos

I haven't shared any photos recently so this blog post is just to update you all on photos!!!

I recently took photos of my 5 year old and here are the results. Now, I will tell you something. As a mother to only one child, I still say he JUST turned 5 but many will argue he is about 5 1/2 and he will argue he is 6. So, remember, do not argue with mama because mama will always say "YOU JUST TURNED 5!!!"

Last weekend when I had my son, he had his first dental check up. I was so proud of him. At first he was like the fish that knew all too well and would not open his mouth but after a few minutes and bribing and pleading, he opened up and did soooooo very well. 

This past weekend I had him, I didn't truly think I was going to make it out of it alive. He had a very bad temperment to him as well as an attitude. I guess that is to be expected when having to live in 2 different houses at the age of 5. BUT, because the weather was so nice, I took him out of the apartment and to the park nearby as well as the obstacle course which he had a blast on. 

Friday From Hell

I've had many a bad Friday but I think yesterday has to be the worst Friday yet, at least since moving out on my own and the divorce. A few weeks back, I received a ticket (because obviously the officer had nothing better to do) for an out of date inspection sticker on the truck my ex husband is letting me drive until he either he a) fixes my car or b) tows it to my parents for someone else to fix. The officer told me to get it inspected by the 28 of February and then take the proof of inspection up to the court house by that date and get it dismissed for only $20.
Therefore, I was going to have ex hubs get it inspected last week but apparently he was low on funds. I fought and argued the point but decided it was like yelling at a wall so we agreed yesterday was THE last day it could get done. Well, in the end the truck didn't get inspected. The check engine light was on so ex hubs disconnected the battery for about 5 minutes. That didn't turn the light off. He then disconnected it for about 10 minutes, maybe 15 and that still didn't work. THEN we took it back to his house where he got his code reader and erased the codes. That did the trick. Well, because the battery was disconnected, the O2 reader or whatever wasn't reading and the inspection guy told me I had to put some miles back on the truck before getting it re-inspected. So ex hubs was kind enough to give me $40 for inspection and told me to find a place to get it done before Monday....if they check engine light doesn't come back on.
I called the court house to see if they could extend the date and they said I could make a court date to talk to judge/prosecuter to see if he/she will lower the fine. I asked why I would have to have fine lowered and found out that because the inspection has been out for more than 60 days (been expired since July), I cannot pay the $20 dismissal fee. I have to pay the $151 fine to get rid of the ticket. I can't even take defensive driving to remove the citation/ticket.
On top of all that, I found out that my last pay check from the shoe company I was working for, didn't direct deposit my check and ex hubs had the check in his mail box for at least 2 weeks now. Give it, it is only about 6 hours worth of pay but that is better than nothing. Therefore, with that deposited, I only have about $55 in my name until I find a job. I have rent and bills and other things to pay and I am not having a great life after divorce. Single life is becoming harder and harder than I thought.
I thought I would be much happier and in the aspect of not having someone yell me at, degrade me, insult me or controlling me, I am much happier but financially wise, this sucks.

Skele-Toes

What the heck are Skele-Toes, you ask? Fila Skeletoes are the new hot barefoot running shoes to hit the market. Not like I run but I guess I could start. I first heard of these silly looking duds on my best friend's Facebook page and was wondering what they were. After getting her a pair of toe socks to go with the toe shoes, I had a package arrive at my doorstep today. To my surprise and excitement, my best friend sent me some Skele-toe shoes as well.
I have to admit they are a bit goofy looking. You have to concentrate on where your toes go just like a pair of gloves and the material feels strange between your toes. BUT, I will also admit they are quite comfy.
So my adventures with Skele-toes starts today.
My first stop: my 3 story balcony to enjoy the spring like weather.

You Can't Change Them

You can only change yourself. Over the past 2 weeks, I have had time to reflect on my divorce and my life before divorce. Many words were said that cannot be taken back. Many questions were asked and not many answers were given.
If you are treated unfairly or "like crap" (as many refer to it), then why do you still care about the person or what they are doing in their life? Not an easy question to answer, is it?
I was given the opportunity to give some advice to a friend of mine this past weekend...okay I more or less just gave them the advice without them asking for it but it seemed fitting at the time.
At times, in the past 8 years, I was treated like a child, a slave at others and a nanny at most. I wanted to be treated for who I was. A girl who loves being goofy, having fun, being spontaneous and just lounging around being lazy. That is who I am. Yes, I like to clean but it makes me feel dirty when everything else is dirty. I love being around my son but I do not want to feel like I am babysitting him because the other parent has other things on their agenda.
The answer to the question "why do you still care" is definitely not an easy one to answer, especially to the person's face. The reason I care is because I love him. I loved my ex husband when we first met, I loved him when I moved in with him and I loved him through all the fights, the drama and the almost-3 or 4-divorces. I loved him because not only was....is he the father of my child but because he stood by my side through a lot of drama and turmoil in my life. He showed me who I really was in life and who I truly wanted to be with.
I love him because, to me, that is the norm. I am not used to going on dates. I am not used to saying "I love you" to any other guy. I am not used to holding hand with anyone but my son and my ex husband. And I sure as heck aren't used to sleeping or cuddling with any other guy. Time will change that, I know it will.
Change sucks but it brings new things in life. It brings out your true dreams, goals, aspirations as well personality and thoughts.
I will not say that I took my ex husband for granted nor ever appreciated him because I appreciated every little thing he did for me. I may have hated holding that flashlight while he worked under the hood of the car or on a boat engine but I watched him intently and learned some things. I may have hated to hold that ladder while he was changing a light bulb or putting up Christmas lights but it gave me a chance to look at his butt! What girl (or guy) doesn't like to do that with their significant other? I may have hated him sleeping in all those years before he went to work or on his days off but to me that gave me time to think and time to work and time to clean and definitely time NOT to fight and argue. I never truly card to get flowers on holidays, birthdays or just random occasions but to him that was his way of showing me he loved me. He may have gotten me just plain ol' gift cards and to me I may have thought that meant he didn't put any thought into getting me anything but really, he did....he thought that if he got me a gift card I could spend it on myself and get myself WHATEVER I wanted.
I may have hated him leaving his socks around the house, the dishes ABOVE the dishwasher or in the sink, his baseball caps laying all over the house and other little things he did but those were his quirks. I wake up and I don't see socks under the coffee table, hats on the couch, and dishes are IN the dishwasher or washed on a towel on the counter tops. I go about my day and I don't see or rarely talk to him or see any photos of him.
I am in a new life and sometimes it really hurts. It, in a way, makes me really miss him. Again, because that was the norm for me for 8 years. Now that he is gone, I see all this. I actually saw it all before and was, in my mind, wishing he would change because all that stuff annoyed me. BUT, that was...is who he is.
I say all this because no matter how annoying someone may be, that is who they are. Annoyances are just that....annoyances. Little quirks that make a person who they are. You don't fall in love with someone because of their looks or their personality. Those are just SOME of the reasons you fall in love. But if you were to think about it, how would you feel if one day you woke up and the person who annoyed the crap out of you for almost a decade was gone? Those annoying habits they did were gone?
Do not take things people do for granted. Appreciate all the little...or big things they do and thank them for everything they do...even annoying you...because when they are gone, you too will see all that I have been seeing and you will miss that person like crazy and get upset at whoever they are now with because you will feel only YOU should be the one to be annoyed by them.
No matter what you do, you cannot change a person. You can only change who you are.

Looking Back - - - Moving Forward

Looking back on life and moving on at the same time

(Thank you Pinterest for these wonderful quotes!)

Why Hide The Truth?

Lies. Everyone lies. We are all human. We make that mistake. Sometimes we lie so we don't hurt someone we care or love about deeply. Other times we lie so we don't get caught or get in trouble. Which are you? Both? It is okay if you are both because, again, we are all human. I can admit to my lies and my mistakes and in my marriage, there were several lies and several mistakes. It is a marriage! I was also lied to many times and still to this day I am being lied to.
The marriage is over. The divorce is final. Why lie? Why hide the truth?
I am told by my ex-husband (that will take a while to remember to type out because he was my husband for 6 years), "I do not have to explain myself to you nor do I need to inform you of my love life." I am not asking him to explain himself nor tell me about his love life. The thing is, when one person tells the other they are not in love with them and haven't been for a while. As well as "I will not date anyone for at least a year after the divorce" and "I will never in my life get married ever again." and is dating someone at least one month before the divorce is final...they have seemed to move on pretty quickly. Therefore sending me a message that he was never in love with me and has no problem moving on. 

To me, that hurts. That should hurt anyone. You were with the person for 8 years (ALMOST a decade) of your life and they turn around and move to the next before everything is finalized or over between you two. 

I have been asked by many lately "are you still in love with him?" To be honest (since that is what the blog post is about), no I am not. I still love him because I loved him for 8 years. I still care about what happens to him because that is just low and immature to say "oh well, we are no longer together, hope you get run over by a bus". Now give it, those words may run through my mind occasionally but I would not know what to do if something happened to my son's father. I am not in love with him though. I cannot be in love with someone who will not be up front and honest with me. When I ask a question, all I am asking for is a simple answer --- THE TRUTH. No, the truth isn't always an easy thing to say especially if you don't want to hurt the person's feelings or do not want to be "in trouble" with the person. BUT, it is a weight lifted off your shoulders when you do tell the truth.
My ex-husband gets irritated/annoyed when I call or email him and I am not happy....to say the least being a bitch. Well, that happened last night because I got a phone call and a voice mail that changed my mind set about a lot of things. I wanted to talk to him about it. He sent me a text this morning asking if I "was better". What the heck does that mean? No, I am not sick. No, I am not dying. No, I do not have cancer. So, how am I better? I asked and he said "well I was just seeing if you were okay. You were really upset last night." And dear ex husband of mine, do you know the reason I was upset? "Because of the lies," he stated. BINGO!!! Right on the nose. I straight up told him, if he were to be honest with me then I would not be upset nor would I be calling him bitching about stuff.
We are no longer married. Why hide anything? Why lie? It makes no sense....not just to me but to others who know the situation or are involved in the situation as well. 

So, the point of this is, the truth is not always easy to come out with but in the end, it will make you feel better as well as make the other happy that you are no longer lying to them.