Tuesday, March 22, 2011

You Know Who You Are

I do not ask to be judged.
I do not ask to be laughed at.
I do not ask to me made fun of.
And least of all, I do not ask to be hurt.

By you, I have never had any of those happen except the last. I have forgiven you many times for that last one but in the end, being hurt by you is inevitable. I do not wish to hurt anymore.
It isn't your fault, really, it isn't.
I am so glad you finally found happiness in your life after all these years. I wish for many more days of happiness for you.
Happiness for me was not found in the closure I got from you, so don't think it was. Happiness, for me, is found when I see my son smile. When I hear him sing songs he has NO clue what they mean. When I hear him say statements like "Oh gosh!", "What the heck?!?" and "Get out of here" as well as "You got to be kidding me!" Those crack me up! Happiness for me is living for a week in peaceful surroundings of the Great Smoky Mountains. Happiness for me is achieving a goal it took me long to succeed at. Happiness for me is seeing others happy and that even goes for you.
I have no contact to you. No phone number. No email address. And definitely not Facebook. My world to you has been cut off. You, on the other hand, have my phone number and my email address as well as access to this very blog. That is why I am typing this to you. You know who you are.
I do not ask you to stop reading my blog because you have been my very best friend for 11 years and in one post I asked to continue this friendship. It hurts a bit much to do that right now but I know we will talk again in the future. I want you to know I am trying hard to have a decent marriage and TRYING is the keyword. The counselor is out of the picture for the time being so we are having to do ITTY BITTY baby steps to solve our issues on our own without anyone mediating. Trust me, it is hard. I also want you to know I am dissolving myself in things I enjoy like gardening (even though I have NO green thumb), photography and least of all job hunting (we need the money).
I hope you are happy and I wish you the best life anyone could hope and wish for. I do not want to be cut off from you completely but just give me time is all I ask.
I hope you can respect that!
Always and forever----I do mean that! STILL!!!

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