So it is almost 2am and I am wide awake. Okay, I lied, I am half awake as I have a 750mg Vicodin in my system but I am awake enough to HOPEFULLY type this blog. We shall see, shall we!?!?!
I have been telling myself the past 2 weeks (at least) that I SHOULD HAVE had all 4 wisdom teeth removed because the 2 on my left are bothering the hell out of me and I am about to lose my mind....or what is left of it at least. Ibprofen as well as Aleve do NOTHING to ease the pain and discomfort so therefore I suffer all day until all the kids are in bed and slip a Vicodin. After about an hour, I am about knocked out yet still in pain. Eventually, it knocks me the heck out and I forget about the pain until I wake up realizing that my dumb self slept on the left side of my face and now it hurts even more.
Another pain is on my mind tonight. It is baby pains. How many of your friends have announced their pregnancy either to you or to the world via Facebook lately? I have at least 10 friends that are pregnant and at least 2 that have just had babies in the past couple months. I am baby envy. I have baby fever. I WANT A BABY!!! Yes, most of you know, I have 2 kids. If you want to be technical, I have always wanted 2 kids but I always wanted to DELIVER 2 kids. One of the kids I raise is my step son and deep down hates me for some unknown reason to us all, including himself. He doesn't like it when I punish him or yell at him but niether do I and he admits that it is all his fault so why hate me?? Good question with no answer. My other child is going on 5 years old and will soon be in Kindergarten. For 4 long years, I have wanted another baby. I was hoping to have another by the time I hit 27 and I will be 28 in about 7 months. I keep joking to hubby that my eggs will be fried at the age of 30.....I'm trying to rush the process!!! Give it, he isn't getting any younger either as he just turned 37.
I know many women out there have PCOS, have had multiple miscarriages or still births or just can't get pregnant at all. I am sorry for what you all have to go through and I am thankful I don't have to go through that but at the same time I feel, at the time being, I am going through that exact feeling. It hurts. It hurts my heart to an extent I have never really felt before.
To try to ease the pain tonight (or morning...whatever), I have been trying to find ways to better market my photography business or find other ways to make money to help support our family.
I have also been thinking of cute outfits or shoes to buy as retail therapy. Hubby gets paid Friday and on that day (or this weekend) I WILL be buying a new swimsuit since I am down from 154 pounds to 129 (on a good day---131 on a bad day) pounds. I feel the need to buy a new swimsuit. I will also be FINALLY getting my paycheck from the studio job I had (for like 3 days almost a month ago) so I am sure that will be enough to buy a new pair of shoes as well as a couple new shirts or dresses. I am excited. I am sure that will make me feel a bit better but not completely.
Well, the medicine has truly kicked in and my head has yet to hit the keyboard so I better get off here before it does or before I cannot get down the stairwell to the bedroom.