Day 10 - A Letter to Someone I Should Talk to More Often

Dear *****
It's funny how life throws you curve balls and instead of trying to hit them, we run from them. Well, at least you do. We dont talk as much anymore because, well, that is your fault. You can't accept the fact that someone other than you might be right. You can't accept the fact that someone might actually care about you and want the best for you. I never try to be bossy or tell you what to do or how to live your life. I just give you tips on the way. I enjoyed growing up and having late night chats with you, walking the mall together scoping out what people are wearing and what the heck they were thinking that morning, as well as many lunch/dinner dates having to get managers involved because waiters/waitresses S-U-C-K!
I do miss you and I miss talk to you. I am not going to buy you back into my life. I want you to come to me when you are ready. Unfortunately, that may be a long time as it has been about 4 months or so already. Doesn't seem like a long time but it is to me. I can't see you on Facebook nor Myspace (who has one of those now a days?) and if I send you a text it gets deleted I am sure as well as phone call going straight to voicemail.
Just know that I do care about you and I do love you. All I ever wanted for you was the best.
I grew up WAY too fast because of the situation we were all in and I wanted to be a good role model but I dont think I was that...and if I was, well then you didnt want to be anything like me. You are your own spunky self with an attitude yet a great head on your shoulders. I never wanted the worst for you but I feel you are slipping and slipping in a hole you can't get out of and you want to ask for help but just dont want to be seen as weak. Trust me, I have been there, done that. Yes, it is hard to ask for help but it feels great in the end. It really does!
Anyways, I am sure you will never read this and if you do, you probably wont read it all but either way, I miss you and love you and wish we would talk more often.
Sisters?
-Teresa

Day 9 - A Letter to Someone I Wish I Could Meet

I am getting bad at these 30 day challenges..with other blog stuff going on, being a full time mommy and full time WORKING mommy, I get sidelined.
Anyways, here is a letter to someone I wish I could meet!

To my teenage self:
I very much so wish that I could back to this time to talk to you. Well and for many other reasons as well but for now it is just to talk to you....to prep you for the coming years. Also, to be a friend you could talk to even though then you had...or thought you had...a best friend and talking to your parents wasn't "cool" then! If I could go back in time to meet you, this is what I would say:

The upcoming years wont be so easy, in fact you will find some times that are hard to get through and also so times that will play games with your heart. You would go through things that not many your age (at least not many you know) go through> In the end, you will become a stronger more confident person because of these things.

You will find some friends along the way but none that will become your "BFF" or "bestie" and you will find your best friend isn't such a best friend after all. You might also make a few from church, school or elsewhere unhappy, a bit angry or unforgiving as well but those times will pass, trust me! I would say you would fall in and out of love several times but in fact you only fell in love once and truly never fell out of it. School would be a breeze and pass you by faster then you would expect and you would wish to go back to re-do a few things and slow time down.

You would think at times God was playing a big joke on you but rest assured He is just putting things in your way to direct you down the path He wants has planned for you. At times you might feel He is not there with you, but I pray you never give up hope and always try your very best to trust in Him and find positive in every day you are alive.

You will become very hard on yourself and expect the best out of yourself but just relax and give yourself a break. You are the person you are and don't let anyone change that or define who you are. God made you the way He did for a reason so don't let others talk you down and always be true to yourself.
Stay strong and be fearless! The world is big and you never know what is around the bend. Never give up hope on the world or yourself and just remember to keep trying.

In the very end you will become a more mature, strong and confident young lady than you were then all because of what will happen during these times.
Remember everyone loves you and the world is not against you. I love you and no matter what happens or what anyone says, I will never let you go and I will always be true to you.

Your best friend,
Your 26 year old self

Day 8- Letter to My Fave Internet Friend

Dear Amy,
I am missing you! I know you are missing your hubby and we are all praying for a safe return as well as a joyous one! I miss your mommy board and all the nights of staying up late posting back and forth. I am sure we can keep it going but with you being a "single" mommy right now to all those kiddos and me working full time it is hard to do.
One day, we will meet and have a blast...I am sure become best friends like we already are (via internet) but til then, internet will be our way of communication as well as texting.
I am always here if you want to chat or if you need a ear to talk to. I am not a shoulder to cry on but I can be in spirit.
Love ya like a sister (LYLAS) and missing chatting with you about random nonsense!
Keep in touch stranger!
-T

Day 7 - Letter to my ex-boyfriend

I’ve had quite a few of these in the last 12-14 years. Well, not in the last 7 yrs but the 7-9 years before all my "married life" began!

Dear RR:
We weren't really kids when we started this thing called a relationship but most would say we were just kids in love, ya know? We were so full of dreams (at least I was) and so in love (again, so I thought). We spent a couple years on and off like that.

This letter could go in all sorts of directions but I will keep it going in just one for now, how about that?!
I know you read this because we have kept in touch over the last 10 yrs and we are like best friends, you and I!
Some of my thoughts are as follows:

You married someone who was NOT my best friend and definitely someone I did NOT want you to end up with but you did. Now, unfortunately for you, you are going through a divorce and I feel for you.

You have a beautiful son who look so much like you.

I have seen many photos of you via Facebook and you still look like you did back in high school...well a bit on the heavier side but you still look good. I will admit that part of me does the ‘what if’ game. What if we had followed those dreams we had so many years ago? Where would we be? Who would we be? I am in a way not sure if we would've been happy with and on and off relationship or even if we would've lasted. I am not even sure where I would be. Yes, we have both grown up so much and we both have our beautiful children and wonderful supportive families but if I was with you now, I would not have my gorgeous lil man with me now who makes me laugh almost every day. I would not have my 3 dogs that drive me crazy and I would not my somewhat support, sometimes annoying, yet loving husband.

You taught me that I could be loved for who I was – and I’m so thankful for that, there’s no way I can ever express it.

You taught me that my heart could get ripped right out of my chest and stomped on. What a shock that was.

I am thankful for the time that I was “yours”. It made me a stronger person.

I’m thrilled that you had someone (for a while) who loved you (or so you thought), and that you have children to carry your name. I know that’s something you wanted.

You have grown up (but we both have done a lot of that). It’s obvious.

I truly wish you the best in life. I always have. And I hope you find peace.

You did teach me that amazing men do exist. When I first got to know you, I thought you were the most amazing person I’d ever met. You definitely weren't like the other guys. You were so amazing. Even with your flaws, you were Perfect. I still don’t know anyone like what you were to me at that time.
You also helped me realize I still have a heart. Even if you broke it into several little pieces. I don’t even know if my heart had ever been broken so hard before. Looking back, I’m glad to have had the gut check to see if my heart was there to break. I was starting to worry I was getting jaded. It turns out I was not the Tin Man. Yet. Sometimes, to this day, I tell myself I am not a good person and I have no heart but you have reminded me over and over that I do and that it is a good heart even if you did break it but you have spent the last 10 yrs mending it and making up for all you did! I do forgive you for the past and have moved on from it......okay maybe not but I am trying!

I am happy that we have stayed friends and true to who we are. I am happy that we both have made a life for each other and I hope we can stay in touch and nothing will tear our friendship apart!

Sincerely,
Teresa

Day 6 -A Letter to a Stranger

Well here is my letter simply put:

Dear Stranger,
My parents taught me not to talk to you so stop trying to give me candy, get me in your creepy van, or saying you know my parents because you are lying and you won't succeed!

-Thank you,
Not telling you my name!!!

Day 5 - A Letter To My Dreams

Dear Dreams:
We need to talk. We haven't seen much of each other lately with me not feeling well and a kick of insomnia but when you ARE around, I end up not liking you.
I hate when you are a re-run. Please stop that. It gets annoying and then I have a deja vu feeling ALL day.
Please, if you are going to be around, bring on either the unicorns and fairies or me being a billionaire and waking up to that. If not, just go away! *chuckles*
Thanks, I am glad we had this little chat
---Teresa

Day 4 - Letter to a Sibling

Dear James,
I don't always say it, but I am very proud of you. Even though I technically have 2 baby brothers, you are my ONE AND ONLY baby brother and my best friend. We are like twins as we can finish each others' sentences as well as just look at each other and know what we are thinking.
I have always felt the closest to you out of all the other siblings. I don't really remember anything about the day you were born but then again, I dont remember a lot back then. I do remember packing our things in pillow cases and telling mom we wanted to "run away" and move out when we were still in elementary school. I remember chasing you home after you were made fun of and you cried the whole way back. I remember walking home from school with you. I remember laying on the floor of Grammy's living room coming up with words that sounded funny: fork, turtle, etc. I remember my 'Favorite" younger past time when we swapped turns being the "Scream" character and sat in the front yard on Halloween and scared kids as well as the older folk! Talk about a great time!
When it came time for me to get married, you were like a savior and stepped into dad's shoes and walked me down the aisle. I trusted you more than him anyways and I am so glad you agreed to walk me down to (now) hubby and give me away. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Then when it came time for lil man's birth, you scheduled time to come back home to Texas from Florida and visit. It was a great time even though it was short spent. I loved all those times you would come home and visit. I was more excited when I found out you were moving back home!!!!
I was "more excited than a tornado in a trailer park" *chuckles*
We were inseparable then. We were together every weekend and a couple days of the week. We spent time at the mall, your....ur....empty...apartment (but it was still great times), my house and even went on vacations together. I am trying to hold back tears while writing this as those were great times and even though I am working full time now, I sit and think "man, to just have him back home and have those great times again." I miss them! I miss you!
I have watched you go from a terrific, funny person to a person in need back to a strong, independent person. You have become one of the most special people I know and you have made me laugh more than anyone else I know. I thank you for that. I thank you for all the times I was down and you lifted my spirits. I thank you for all the crazy times we have had together. I thank you for all the dull times we have together...because we were still together. I thank you for putting up with my board game fetish and helping me put together puzzles. I also thank you for getting up early in the morning to go Black Friday shopping with me. That was a blast! I thank you for all you have done in the past 25 yrs for me and I thank you for the 25 yrs to come!!!!! Most of all....I thank you for being my bestest friend and baby brother and for being THE BEST uncle to my lil man!!!!

(Taken By myself: Photography By Teresa)

(Taken after we colored each other's hair)

(Taken after we saw "Stars on Ice" and killing time while waiting for parents to get home)

(Chillin' in the parents' backyard)

(Taken at Target around Xmas 09...he sure knows how to make me laugh)

(Taken at Walmart around Halloween 09....that was a great day)

Day 3 - Letter to my parents

Dear....*cough* Dad,
I am going on 5 yrs of marriage this month. NO, it has not been the easiest nor the best 5 yrs of my life but we are both trying (so I like to think) on making things better for not just ourselves but the kids as well. I have been working on myself a lot lately and hubby keeps telling me that I need to move on from the past and live in the today for the future. Also, that he sees now as well as previous times that I have blamed myself for a lot of stuff that I never did.
I tell him that somethings I believe I did do and I deserve the blame for them. I also tell him it is hard to move on from the past when at least 3/4 of it I don't remember. He tells me that it is God's way of telling me to move on but I dont believe that crap. He may also think I may have had something traumatic happen in my life that makes me forget all the stuff in the past but if that is the case then why the hell can I only remember the bad stuff or SOME of the bad stuff in my past and nothing good???
I am trying to move on from the past. I am trying to not be such a negative person. I just need help or closure from things and I will admit that.
This letter may hurt your feelings or it may make you proud for standing up for myself. Either way, I have to get all this off my chest. 
I want to know what you want. What do you want out of this relationship between you and I? What do I want? I want to have that father/daughter relationship that we had before I got married while you were locked up. I don't believe in the deepest part of my heart that it may never come to that but you never know. I want respect and I know I can ask for that because I have shown you plenty of respect. As an adult living in the here and now, Im willing to step up and take care of my end of this relationship, so i just ask the same thing in return.
I told hubby I may need closure from you or from our past issues. Yes, I believe I have anger and resentment towards you along with our unresolved issues. I was young when you and mom divorced. Why? I dont know and part of me doesnt care to know.  I AM, though, angry at you for one unresolved issue that NEEDS resolving. I can no longer sit and blame myself for this as it was not and will NEVER be my fault. My wedding was an "event" between Andy, myself and God. NOT a "family event" as you quoted it to be. I had my reasons for certain people NOT to be there and it was not fair nor respectful of you to do what you did to me. It was always my dream of my dad walking me down the aisle when I got married....not for it to turn to the nightmare from hell with my dad giving me an ultimatum. Seriously? I think you should 1) apologize for what you did as well as 2) apologize to me for blaming me for it all when in reality it was my day (our day...hubby's and mine) and you showed no respect at all. If you cant apologize then own up to doing wrong and let's move passed all this crap.
I am also angry at the fact you tell me you dont ever time to email me or call me or whatever else because you are too busy taking care of grandma when in reality we ALL know the truth.....but you have time to sit in front of your computer and play games on Facebook or wherever else. That doesn't seem fair does it????
In other ways I resent you as a father. Yes, growing up my step dad spanked me and occasionally pointed blame at me for things that was COMPLETELY not my fault. I was blamed for my older sister's actions of doing drugs by him when I was in reality not the one to blame. Even though he did all that to me, he is a better father than you have been in the last 6 yrs I have known you as my dad.
I send you photos of myself, of my child, and of my family and I dont get much of a response....at least not a "fatherly" response. I get more of a response from my ill grandmother (no not your mother) than I get from you. That is sad. But you know what, I just tell myself "Hey, I am OK! I am a loving, caring and giving person. I think myself as intelligent, and somewhat attractive. I am a good mother and at times a good wife as well as a wonderful daughter that any parent would be proud to call their own."
Forgiveness is a choice. I can sit here and tell myself that I am going to exercise a conscious choice to forgive you because I refuse to be locked in a bondage of hatred and resentment with you for the rest of my life...BUT....I can't bring myself to do that. I can bring myself to forgive you for not coming back for us. I can bring myself to forgive you for the "crimes" you committed being as you did your time. But I cannot bring myself to forgive you for many things including being an a*hole of a father and not showing any respect towards your daughter...your "baby girl", for laying a hand on my baby brother and my best friend, for lying to me on many accounts, and many more. I just can't do it.
I always refer back to the saying "It takes any guy to be a dad but it takes a REAL man to be a father"

Day 2 - Letter to My Crush

Wow...I really dont have a crush. Not even on a celebrity.....oh wait...okay I lied.

Dear Johnny,
I haven't really be crushing on you forever but I have been in awe of you for a long time now. I know that you know I dont even exist although to meet you and have you reach out to me would be an honor and a dream come true. Oh, how I would love to be your long time girlfriend, Vanessa, but I know that will never happen. You guys are such a great couple and your children are a blessing.
To be Winona Rider or Keira Knightely and to be that close to you on screen or off screen.
I have adored you from afar for a while now and loves the newly capped teeth (well not new but they weren't like that in Donnie Brasco or Edward Scissorhands) and the medium length locks! I adore you have your son's name tattooed on your body as do I and I love how you wear a beaded bracelet made by your daughter. It shows what a doting father you are.
But until either you can be a "small town" (Dallas) celebrity or until I can make it big in Hollywood (*cough....ya right*) then I will drool over you from a distance and ponder over what it would be like to be Mrs. Depp!
----Your #1 Fan, Teresa

Day 1 - Letter to my Best Friend

I am starting the 30 day letter challenge today and today's challenge is to write a letter to my best friend. That is a bit tough for me as my ex is my best friend, my brother is my best friend and my mom is my best friend and those will come later on in the challenge.
I have an idea....I will write a letter to the person that USED to be my best friend.....will that work?
Mindy:
We met in 6th grade because our lockers were near each others. Also, I kind of felt bad for you as others were picking on you. We were great friends...until the end. We had slumber parties, movie days, scoping the mall for boys, writing secret admirer letters, as well as bringing in balloons and gifts to school during each of or birthdays.
Middle school came and went and high school approached us very fast. That is when things started to taper a bit in our friendship. Funny as high school, I feel, is the time when we need best friends the most. 
We still talked about boys, had slumber parties, went to the movies, did obnoxious things at Walmart on Friday nights, scoped the mall for more boys and even had our moments of not so best friend times. 
You said we would be best friends forever and that was a lie. I still feel we are friends but not like it was back then.
Men say "bros before hoes" but I say "best friends don't date their best friend's ex boyfriends". You tried to date a few of my boyfriends....exes.....many times and when I got back with them you tried to kill us all by flying down a city street at over 50 mph's when it is a 35 mph area. You then said I betrayed you and you hated me....for what??? Getting back with MY ex boyfriend at the time???? 
As we got older and high school was nearing, we would still try to hang out...we even started planning on going to the same college and getting an apartment together. You and I made plans to hang out, shop, etc and then those plans would end an hour or so before we were supposed to hang out all because you had a NEW best friend....someone you could drink with (underage), go dancing on bars/tables with, someone you could go to concerts with, etc. That grew old really fast. 
High school drama came and went...........then college came. You liked a guy that became my tutor and you lied to MY boyfriend (at the time) of what I was doing and my whereabouts and that caused me to lose a great guy. Oh, I forgot to add....which you ended up hooking up with and sleeping with later on. That is a NOT a best friend thing to do.
Now we are both married and I have the kids that you still long to have (and I pray that you will get your wish sooner rather than later) but there is still no excuse for how you treated me, how you lied to me, how you stabbed me in the back and how you just effortlessly let our friendship shrivel and die. 
I wish you a long and happy marriage. I wish you many kids to spoil. And I wish you a long happy life. 
Your ex-best friend
-----Teresa