Thursday, October 21, 2010

Day 7 - Letter to my ex-boyfriend

I’ve had quite a few of these in the last 12-14 years. Well, not in the last 7 yrs but the 7-9 years before all my "married life" began!

Dear RR:
We weren't really kids when we started this thing called a relationship but most would say we were just kids in love, ya know? We were so full of dreams (at least I was) and so in love (again, so I thought). We spent a couple years on and off like that.

This letter could go in all sorts of directions but I will keep it going in just one for now, how about that?!
I know you read this because we have kept in touch over the last 10 yrs and we are like best friends, you and I!
Some of my thoughts are as follows:

  • You married someone who was NOT my best friend and definitely someone I did NOT want you to end up with but you did. Now, unfortunately for you, you are going through a divorce and I feel for you.

  • You have a beautiful son who look so much like you.

  • I have seen many photos of you via Facebook and you still look like you did back in high school...well a bit on the heavier side but you still look good. I will admit that part of me does the ‘what if’ game. What if we had followed those dreams we had so many years ago? Where would we be? Who would we be? I am in a way not sure if we would've been happy with and on and off relationship or even if we would've lasted. I am not even sure where I would be. Yes, we have both grown up so much and we both have our beautiful children and wonderful supportive families but if I was with you now, I would not have my gorgeous lil man with me now who makes me laugh almost every day. I would not have my 3 dogs that drive me crazy and I would not my somewhat support, sometimes annoying, yet loving husband.

  • You taught me that I could be loved for who I was – and I’m so thankful for that, there’s no way I can ever express it.

  • You taught me that my heart could get ripped right out of my chest and stomped on. What a shock that was.

  • I am thankful for the time that I was “yours”. It made me a stronger person.

  • I’m thrilled that you had someone (for a while) who loved you (or so you thought), and that you have children to carry your name. I know that’s something you wanted.

  • You have grown up (but we both have done a lot of that). It’s obvious.

  • I truly wish you the best in life. I always have. And I hope you find peace.

  • You did teach me that amazing men do exist. When I first got to know you, I thought you were the most amazing person I’d ever met. You definitely weren't like the other guys. You were so amazing. Even with your flaws, you were Perfect. I still don’t know anyone like what you were to me at that time.
    You also helped me realize I still have a heart. Even if you broke it into several little pieces. I don’t even know if my heart had ever been broken so hard before. Looking back, I’m glad to have had the gut check to see if my heart was there to break. I was starting to worry I was getting jaded. It turns out I was not the Tin Man. Yet. Sometimes, to this day, I tell myself I am not a good person and I have no heart but you have reminded me over and over that I do and that it is a good heart even if you did break it but you have spent the last 10 yrs mending it and making up for all you did! I do forgive you for the past and have moved on from it......okay maybe not but I am trying!

    I am happy that we have stayed friends and true to who we are. I am happy that we both have made a life for each other and I hope we can stay in touch and nothing will tear our friendship apart!


    1 comment:

    Billy said...

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